time to catch up

Well it's been a whirlwind and after alot of crazy things happening I have decided to rededicate this blog.

The come down from r and r was pretty hard. I felt like I was going crazy. I was sitting in a disaster of an apartment with a little baby and just had no idea what to do. It got to the point when I left I did not even want to come home. I finally got a bit of help and things started to come together.

We went through a horrible round of thrush. It took forever to diagnose and it took forever to get rid of and it killed the breastfeeding relationship. It was hard, but in the end it was for the best. I was eating terribly, I was exhausted emotionally and I was not giving little Desmond what he needed.

During this I met a wonderful and amazing friend K. She has been such a source of strength for me and such a source of inspiration. We have been going through many of the same things in terms of adjusting to motherhood, moving, breastfeeding, and just life. We have leaned on each other alot and it's amazing that I could meet someone by chance that I have so much in common with. But that is the beauty of life. You never know who you are going to meet and what role they will play in your life.

Things actually seemed to calm down somewhat for the month of October. The apartment started coming together, I got a couple of purse orders, Desmond's thrush was gone and he was my happy loving baby.

He hit many milestones. He started babbling, loved being in his jumper, started rolling over all over the floor. Sleeping through the night is still sporadic but most nights are good. Solids have been started. He loves squash, peas, and applesauce. The squash he tries to grab the spoon out of my hand and jumnps up and down in his highchair. he has decided he does not like peaches AT ALL. Next we are going to try carrots.

We just got an exersaucer and he loves it. He is very serious about touching and studying each toy that is attached to it. He loves being in his highchair and lets out giggles and squeals when I clap my hands and sing to him while he's in it.

We get compliments everywhere we go. People are always telling use what a cute baby I have. and he is. He's handsome but he also has the sweetest little personality and I can tell he is going to be a gentle and loving boy. He tries to touch and pet the cat and he loves watching him run around. He has a smile that lights up the room and I love seeing him smile. I love hearing him laugh.

the next part I feel like it should be a separate post...maybe it will be.

wow

time seems to have passed so slowly but it's been almost a month.

I am going to be honest and say that I have been having a very hard time since Texas left. the apartment was a disaster, I can't figure out how to put the kitchen table back together, I really want to sew and do creative things because I finally have tons of ideas but I have no time. I am just...very overwhelmed. We have not saved any money which was something that I really wanted to do and I feel like a huge failure on that front. I just wish that I could finally be a good money manager. I did pay off alot of stuff, we did buy a new car, so there have been accomplishments. the move back also took a lot out of us financially as well.

things are slowly coming together, I really have to remember to stop and breath and think. I can't do everything at once.

I almost forgot! Desmond started rolling over on Wednesday. Just in time for Daddy to see him. It was awesome.

oops

well my plan to keep a detailed log of everyday of my husband's r and r didn't quite go as planned. It was so great just spending time with him the last thing I thought of was really getting online.

The drive went amazingly well. It was long but Desmond and I slept a lot and S and Texas kept each other company. We made a stop in Tuscon and stayed with an old army buddy of Texas. They were really nice but we got there really late and didn't have a lot of time to visit. We then proceeded to Austin and stayed in a mansion! C was house sitting for some epople he used to nanny for so we got to stay in a beautiful house with an amazing pool. Austin was relaxing, we did a little bit of running around but for the most part it was just us hanging out as a family. All of his suprises went off perfectly. We met up with T and E and spent some time with them, they even babysat D for us and we went to Target sans baby. We ended up going out that night as well, but I was so exhausted! I was exhausted pretty much everyday let me tell you. I never slept well because I was always scared the cat was going to jump in the pack 'n play and let me tell you he could not have been less interested.

We went to Home Slice and met up with everyone and ended up eating outside. oh my god it was hot! We ended up stripping down Desmond into just a diaper! Texas was happy though, alot of his friends came out and everyone seemed to have a lot of fun.

We also got to go to a movie together while S and his girlfriend babysat. We saw 500 days of summer which was a kind of romantic, kind of sad movie. I liked it alot and it was nice and relaxing.

We said our good byes to Austin and drove up to Lawton. We spent the first night we got here in a hotel which was very nice. The cat had some peeing issues in Austin but by the time we got to Lawton he seemed to have calmed down alot!

We spent our last few days together getting our utilities set up, and getting re acquainted with Lawton. lol I wish that our last few days together were not filled with all these stupid little errands and we could have just enjoyed each other. But I guess that's what enjoying each other is, just doing things together. That really is what I miss the most. Grocery shopping, showers, playing with the baby, walking around the mall. All the mundane things that you take for granted I miss the most. I knew those were the things I would miss the most because honestly I never took them for granted. Maybe because we were still newlyweds, maybe because that's just our relationship.

I asked Texas what he wanted for his last delicious meal and he picked whataburger. I thought it was funny that he picked something like that.

The day I had to drop him off I wasn't feeling that great and we had to drive all the way to Dallas, we had some mcdonalds and it seemed fine,. except well it wasn't. I kept saying I feel sick, I feel sick and Texas was about to pull over when I just let it go. I puked my guts out int the mcdonalds bag and then the bottom of it fell out and made a huge mess and then yeah..gross! I love that this is the last memory that my husband is going to have of me.

We got to the airport and we hugged and kissed and said our see you laters. Got about 20 minutes away from the airport and the phone rings, Texas forgot to give me the bank card so I had to go back and we got to say good bye all over again.

Then I spent the day shopping at Ikea, eating at cheesecake factory and driving back which for some reason took forever. Serena was with me and it made it a little easier.

The whole thing didn't really hit me until I got home. It sucks.

I still haven't gotten the stuff out of storage so our last few days in fairly empty apartment, sleeping on an air matress, with no groceries. lol

I have already heard from him twice. I really hope this next 5 months goes by fast.

wow okie

I can't believe my husband has been here for almost 3 whole days already.

Day one: He called me at 8 a.m and said his flight was getting around 10:00 okie wow that means I have 2 hours to get ready, during Desmonds usual breakfast time, so now I have to try and get ready, get him ready and find time to nurse. LOL it did not go well. But somehow I managed to do it. I got off to the airport and I didn't even get lost getting there. Desmond was pissed off and cried the whole way there. He didn't know what was going on and why Mommy was running around like a crazy lady.

I had arranged for a photographer through operation love reunited (www.oplove.org) and he got there a few minutes after I did. After we looked at the arrival times we realized his flight was delayed until 11:00, we had another hour to wait!

I chatted with the photographer and as it got closer to the flights arrival time I was getting more and more nervous. People had started gathering around to great their family and there was probably about 20 people or so waiting for their loved ones as well. Some people had overheard me talking to the photographer about how long Texas had been away and I heard them repeating the story to each other, making me even more nervous for some reason.

I finally saw some boots at the verrry top of the stairs and I looked at the photographer and said I see boots!! I see his boots! I went a little closer to see if I could see if it was really him coming down the steps. I finally saw that it was him! My heart lept into my throat. But for some reason he was walking so slow, it was like he was taking each step with the utmost caution for fear he would tumble down them if he walked too fast. When he got down to about the 4th step from the bottom I got as close to the line as I could and I said FASTER, FASTER, FASTEr, and my whole body was shaking. I knew in a moment we would be holding each other, I would be touching him, smelling him. I knew that after all this waiting he would be mine again.

He made it to the last step and I ran towards him and smooshed me and Desmond into his arms, I let out a cry. I felt like I would never let go. I heard people behind us clapping and cheering. I couldn't believe it. A few tears escaped and I felt my face flush red. After holding us for now where near long enough we walked back towards the stroller and to be honest I really have no memory of what we talked about or what happened until a lady came up to us and shook Texas' hand and said thank you to us both for our service to this country and told us we had a beautiful family. It was so touching.

We drove back from the airport and Texas showered and changed and we spent the day together just doing normal everyday things to be honest. Things we would do in Lawton, things that we will do once we are a family together again for good.

Day 2.

we had to wait for the moving truck to get dropped off so it kind of messed up our plans. Somehow we ended up in Venice beach and took some pictures of Francine the Flamingo with the Venice Beach characters. It was actually a really fun day. Desmond had a bit of a hard time adjusting to all the activity and being in the car for so long. He also is still getting used to Daddy giving him bottles and all the extra attention. He was a lot better today.

Day 3.

We went to Newport beach and Daddy dipped Desmonds feet into the ocean for the first time! He didn't like it much. lol. We stayed on the beach for a little while taking in the sun and sights. He slept for about 4 hours after. I guess a little sun and sand makes babies tired! I have a sun burn after an hour on the beach, and texas got sand in his shoes and complained a lot. what a great family we make! Now we will have to pack our suitcases, pack up the moving truck and get Scott at the airport tomorrow. Should make for an interesting day.

tomorrow

tomorrow is the day my husband comes home. Almost 7 long months of deployment down, and I get him for 2 weeks. I really cannot imagine what the next two weeks will be like. I am not going to lie and say I don't have hopes, but I don't have any expecations. In this life that we live expectations only get you hurt. So I am going to get ready, I am going to put Desmond in his new outfit and I am going to go to the airport. I am going to wait at the gates, nervous, unsure of myself, feeling like we are meeting for the first time all over again. But this time he is meeting his son for the first time. It's amazing how blissfully unaware Desmond is. He has no idea that there is another person out there that loves him and misses him even though he has never met him.

I really don't know how I am going to sleep tonight. I just want to be back in my husbands arms.

it's almost time!

My husband will be home for his mid tour break in a few short days and he will meet his son for the first time. I can't wait and I can't even imagine how we are going to feel when we are reunited. I have gotten a photographer to take pictures of our reunion through an awesome volunteer program called operation love reunited. I am not 100% sure if we can work out the details but I am hoping he will be there.

We are then moving me back to Oklahoma and after two short weeks my husband will go back to Iraq to finish his tour. He will be gone again until the new year. So not too sure what the future holds for us but we love each other greatly and even from 1000's of miles away we are still always in each others hearts and minds.

I will try and post pictures of the reunion sometime after it actually happens.

Also I am dedicated to documenting ever day of our reunion and our journey back to Oklahoma