New Year, New Project

I have had this blog and randomly updated it from time to time, but instead of making a reesolution this year I set a goal. I decided to be more thankful, and more grateful in my life. To take the time to stop, and appreciate things. Big things, little things, random things. This last year has been hard for me. New baby, toddler, unexpected cross country move, my green card, roller derby. When I add everything up it feels like 2011 just flew by and I really don't remember much of it, I certainly feel like I wasn't present for a lot of it. I meditated and tried to think of how to change that, of ways I could be more present in my life, for my husband, for my children and for myself. After thinking and doing some reading, I came up with two things. Instead of making resolutions, set a goal, and instead of bitching, think of a way to be happier, make the best, persevere. My goal: to be more dedicated. I am not very good at following through with things. I start things, I get super excited and have a million ideas and then things just fizzle out. but last year I really did become dedicated to something. Rollerderby. I helped start a league and I followed it through until I left Fort Sill. I worked hard at it and I left something great behind. I am still playing derby with a League in Baltimore and when I dedicate myself to practice I feel so fulfilled after. I need to be more dedicated to all areas of my life, I believe it will lead to a more fulfilling life. so the theme of my year will be dedication. More, and deeper dedication to my family to giving them a fulfilling life, stronger dedication to my spiritual life, my meditation practice, and dedication to my studies, and of course derby. To replace my bitching: I realize that I have a lot. Maybe not materially, but spiritually my bucket should be pretty full. But this year..it hasn't felt like that. I have felt empty, and lonely and sad. alot. As I said, I haven't been present. The negative has creeped in and made feel like I could have more, I should have more. I felt unappreciative of everything. I felt worn down. so I need to refill my spiritual bucket. so be more dedicated. Right, doing it. but what else. How can I relearn to love my life and appreciate the gifts I have been given. The 365 day project. Everday, write about something I am thankful for. Short, long, big, little, funny, serious, find something I am thankful for and write about it, encourage it, hold it in my heart. and maybe at the end of the year, I will feel more connected, more present, and more thankful. I also hope that this catches on with my friends, with my community and we can all do it, we can all learn to appreciate the tears, the laughter, the sunsets (cliche), and everything in between. So here it goes 365 days of grateful!!